When Reading is Too Much

I've recently developed quite the umm... 'over-fondness' for reading blogs. My recent bout of insomnia has definitely contributed here. I'm pretty sure it was at 3am one night that I discovered Haley's Halo, Sarah Bessey and the Pioneer Woman. In one fell swoop I was hooked.

I'm pretty sure I didn't bother to try and sleep after that.

My love for reading began at a very young age. I still have a distinct memory of piling all my favourite books around me (not one or 2 - piles people!). Who needed stuffed animals? Not me so long as Dr. Seuss was keeping me company. I was even such a smartie-pants that I was reading before kindergarten. I'm pretty sure it was impatience rather than aptitude that I was afforded that pleasure, I was just too impatient to wait until someone would read me a book - I went ahead and figured it out for myself (or Mom was just sick and tired of reading Stop That Ball over and over).

Now-a-days it still thrills me to pick up a new book, the smell of fresh ink and paper wafting as I open it for the first time... but now with a budget that lends itself a little more to home brew than Starbucks, the internet is a godsend. Here I can read about everything and anything, all for the cost of my internet connection.

Blogs are my internet porn.

There. I've said it.

What is troubling to me though is people. Especially Christians. A category I unashamedly (ok, sometimes they way people act, I'm a little ashamed) put myself in.

The way I think about God and His church has done a 180 over the years since Bible College. In fact, over time, I had become a bit of a skeptic. While attending a church (that I still love, but just can't be a part of anymore) that prides itself on scriptural knowledge over anything else... I began to see the world through a pretty narrow lens.

Falling in love with Jesus again is changing all that.

Letting go is changing all that.

What I read is changing all that.

This morning I was reading an exchange between people... Christians in particular, over a book review of Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts (which I just started reading and L-O-V-E). This man wrote a less-than-flattering review and Ann responded... not in kind, but by an invitation to his family to come over for dinner. He is stunned and writes a lovely blog apologizing... and then several of his 'supporters' blasted him for apologizing. The infighting began. On and on it went.

This is a common picture of the church today.

Fighting over who has it the most 'right.'

In the bickering and the squabbling, something gets lost.

And it's Jesus.

This year I believe God has been scaling away at the skepticism and replacing it with soft flesh. My heart has been broken... but He has been repairing it with a tender understanding and an unflinching realization that ALL IS GRACE.

So I think for a short while I'm going to go without reading blogs, unless they are the blogs of someone I know.

Oh who am I kidding?

I'll still read, knowing that the one who came to save me, also died for
Mr & Mrs angryclosemindedeveryonemustthinklikemeorthey'renotachristian.com.

Or maybe I'll just skip the comments.

Bad Idea

Horomonal woman + 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' movie = yours truly about 10 seconds away from an ugly cry.

In public.

Just a Few Things

Listening … Bethel's 'Loft Sessions.' I don't listen to tons of "Christian Music" anymore as I'm getting picky and maybe a little more jaded in my old age... but I love the acoustics of this album. It captures a warmth that I so appreciate and 'You Have Won Me' is my favourite song. ( Watch Here: You Have Won Me ) It wouldn't be categorized as remarkable but I think the simple and complicated truth of the first line is what gets me every time.

Watching … Castle season finale. Beckett and Castle finally get together. I cried. Also, I saw Avengers twice over the weekend, doing my best to contribute to the biggest box-office opener. I may have a problem. 

Reading … Safe People. I was given this by a trusted mentor-type person to read. I was shocked by what it awakened me to. I actually think this is a must-read for anyone, especially since so many of us blindly just accept or move in relationship in a certain way. Knowing why helps.

Eating … One measly petite vanilla bean scone.

Drinking … Skinny Caramel Macchiato. 

Wearing … My $10 Old Navy jeans and an Audrey Hepburn tshirt.

Feeling … Overwhelmed. I'm still looking for summer work and I have an pedagogy exam on Friday for which I'm ill-prepared (and pretty certain I'm going to fail). Oh yeah, and I'm moving at the end of month... And I'm going to need to buy a car at the end of the summer... and... and...

Weather … It's a beautiful sun-shiny spring day. Finally.

Wanting … Someone to cuddle with. Strong arms would be nice. Wanting to marry me is a bonus.

Needing … See above.

Thinking … About my bible study last night. Have you ever understood what 'cast all you anxieties on him for he cares for you' really means? I'm pretty sure some of us got it, at least a little.

Enjoying … Getting ready for new students. Planning for the fall. Learning to be present in all things. 

How about you?

It's a New Day

Well folks... welcome here. My new digs.

My last long-time blog was it's own journey. And I've come to realize that there is plenty there that I didn't want people to see. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I don't really feel like the same person.

I hate to be all 'I'm in my 30's now and therefore life is different' but it's pretty true.

The long and short of it is: I'm learning how to be me. And learning how to be ok with that.

So friend(s), what you'll find on this tiny little spot of the universe is a little less longing for what I think I should be and a lot more 'me.' Thanks for continuing on this journey with me.

PS My continued weight-loss/healthy-living efforts will not be found here, but choronicled on a soon-to-be-up blog fittinginlife.blogspot.ca